The Native Iowan

Im still chewing on the “history” topic. The fact that The Past, History is critical, important, of great value.

I said before that most folks live their lives attempting to be More or Less than they really are.

I am thinking of two dear friends. Each had been sexually assaulted when very young. He had been raped by a family member. She had been raped by a trusted member for the extended church-family. Both kept “their secret” until they were older. Both suffered silently until they found a way to bury their history. They both lived many years incomplete, refusing, shying away from “that chapter” of their past.

Then each, noting they are close friends and we have discussed their experiences in-depth, found a way “out” of the metal and emotional prisons. Age was a factor with each. Becoming old enough, mature enough to start the process of “looking back”. Another commonality here was a spiritual need to be complete. A desire to cease being “broken”.

I shall refrain from psychoanalysing each of my friends, and choose to focus on the process of a) admitting and accepting the historical situation, and b) accepting a healing process whereby the historical event(s) are no longer as important, as negative, as secretive, as hidden as they had been. More of that “Skeletons in The Closet” stuff…

Each of my friends spent many years building their lives. As we all do, indeed, but for some of us who have been lost to ourselves, it is a long process. Perhaps never completed.

A common “thing” in the process is HONESTY. It is very, very difficult to be honest with yourself. We are notorious liars. Its a mammalian trait. And we lie more to ourselves than anyone else…

So, after many years, much anxiety and disruption and confusion, my friends each found a path toward healing themselves, making themselves complete, whole, unbroken. My buddy once said to me, “you never get over it, you just learn to come to terms with it”.

Each of my friends’ pasts’ are littered with broken relationships, sad endings, unhappy beginnings.The “IT” I speak of is a big thing, a huge factor in life, recognised or unrecognised.

“IT”, of course, is a devastating, long lasting energetic injury. IT damages, cripples, makes certain aspects of life all but impossible. There is always a topic that is off limits. Verboten. The book-of-self is placed high up on a dusty shelf, for fear of opening that unwanted chapter.

As I said, I shan’t go into psychoanalysing any of this. I’m just a story teller.

And I do speak from personal experience. I have spent much of my life “blowing. myself up”, intimating I was more than I really was. Smarter, stronger, faster, better, more complete, than I really, really was.

It was the process of “recapitulation”, as taught by the disciples of Don Juan and CarlosC, that took me into and through myself, my past, my energetic being.

Up until Carlos died his foundation, “Clear Green”, was a big part of my life. But thats another story.

Perhaps it has been my journey into and through myself that allows me to open up and talk candidly with others. I claim I have come to terms with myself. I am comfortable with my past. Nothing is verboten. Any more.

And this is good.

And I smile.

Have more to say about all this but I have work to do. It is a glorious day. I slept like a rock.

I enjoy being an olfart.

More later